To sleep, perchance to dream

[Journal entry]

1 June 1773

Two days have passed and still I sleep restlessly, if I sleep at all.  My countenance has suffered for it, and I dread sitting before the mirror each day.  Katie had commented that perhaps I am suffering from an affliction of some sort.  I do not even have the energy to write long, nor paint, nor play a piece.  Thus has this lethargy settled in my whole being.  I wonder if I shall ever feel the vibrant energies I did before I came to this house...

My dearest wish,  I shall write MamaCome the morning...

[a series of sentences, begun, crossed out, and abandoned, end the day's entry.  No further entry is seen until 3 June]

[Journal entry]

3 June 1773

I have received a parcel from La Rocca.  In it is the most wonderful gift from my dear friend Lady Aphrodite Macbain... the gift of sleep!  I am almost too exuberant to fully describe the manner of this elixir... such dreams! One moment in gauzy chemise, unabashedly spread in a field of flowers so vibrant, so delicate yet un-crushed, their tendrils and soft blossoms formed to make nature's most fragrant, colorful and exquisite bed.  O, and the next, a vivid sunlight, so bright I feared the light would burn my sight away and so fearful was I of missing one single flash of colour... such a riot of hues and shadow!  I shall heed my friend's warning that only a small amount of this laudanum be taken, even though I long to see and lay amongst that field of blossoms once again.

I should be wary of such open admissions and yet I am so giddy for the blessing of a sound and lengthy slumber!

I slept so soundly and so long, I nearly danced down the stair this morning to breakfast, though I was quite long past the set time, and I understand Mrs. Burridge was quite cross with me, but nothing... nothing at all could sour my mood to day!  I am taking a turn in the park and will have paper, pen and ink set out on the bench beneath the tree, to write a note in thanks.  As the day looks to be quite fine, I shall also set some time aside to select some roses and lavender to make a gift for her in return.